Holidays are dangerous for spenders

I have a wonderful job in that I can't take lunch breaks outside the office. At first, it irritated me to no end. How could they stop me from walking outside, having lunch at a restaurant with friends or even coffee out? What about errands? It's now a blessing in disguise. My work is situated near a trendy street with a good amount of shops and restaurants and I probably would have spent lots of money I don't have on stuff I don't really need.

Free time can be dangerous for a debtor like myself.

For example. I had this entire week off for the Passover holiday. Lovely, eh? But today I roamed around the local mall, and decided to do the holiday thing and spend money on myself. I wandered into my favorite clothing store and tried on a bunch of stuff. I walked out with two things - a top and a pair of pants.

This was an impulsive buy. I had the money for it, but the articles of clothing were not to be on my shopping list until August when clothing is 50%. I tried to assuage my guilt by thinking to myself that the clothing I bought may have sold out by the time the sales hit. I just hoped for a better day and am thankful that the holiday is nearly over. Because then I can stay in my "lock-up" job where they won't let me out for lunch breaks, and I'll be able to save myself from myself.

Gratefulness

That list I posted yesterday was quite the long list. Instead of feeling frustrated over not being able to get everything I want when "I" want to, instead of when my Higher Power (HP) or God wants me to, I know that eventually I'll get to some, and even perhaps most of what's on my list in its right time.

My HP/DA group helps me withstand the evil temptation that I have to go out and debt, and buy all those things I need/would like right away like shower doors (right now we are showering without any doors in the bathroom), a new couch, an LCD tv, replacing our plastic chairs for the dining area with real chairs.

So the other day, Hubby, in that voice full of temptation, tells me "Come, let's just go and get everything we need. Why not?" He's testing me. He is waiting for me to break and go on a wicked holiday spending spree with him. Why wait a year, two or three for these things, when you can just take a pocketsize plastic card with you and charge all those wonderful things to furnish a house?? It's just not the 21st century way!

But I held steadfast, and am grateful to my HP for granting me the ability to tell him "no."

Wish List

I have a shitload of things on my wish list. If I had a wad of money to blow, and this comes in cycles of months where there is money for that, and then there are those horrible lean months, where I feel like I should have listened to the advice of Biblical Joseph, who stored his grain during the 7 fat years of abundance in ancient Egypt, for those 7 lean years he knew were coming up. I know I have those lean months. Why can't I save then?

Some of the things on my wish list look like this:

Small things under $125
microwave
toilet set to replace broken one
get clothes drier repaired
booster seat for grandson
paint rooms and fix dimmer switch
welcome mat for front door
Le Creuset-type pot
Table cloth 90 x 180
8 beautiful bath towels
sheet set
kitchen handles
Canadian passport renewal
Computer web cam
birthday gifts
Guitar
Film Festival
bookbinding
SureFit couch covers
Dustbuster
Magazine rack
Electric indoor grill
3 new pillows
Crabtree and evelyn soaps, shower stuff
Irena creams/pills
Order from Amazon - once a year
La Chef store spree
Shopping spree at health food store
Turn video cassettes into DVDs
L'Occtiane perfume
Baby Einstein videos
cooking pots
Water filter for showerhead
candle holder with white backing
Moroccan tea set
kitchen timer/scale
non splatter for frying
poultry shears
ceramic tzedakah box
Putamayo cd's or from Olam Qatan
See list of books - get 5-10
homeopathy consultation
Raw Foods consultation

The larger items are:
Advertising costs hubby's renovation business
Holiday expenses
LCD - 42 "
closet doors
Dining room chairs
Coffee table
Couches
Extensive dental work for Hubby
Leather handbag
Dental Veneers for me
Braces for my daughter
Replace lenses in glasses
2 bathroom lights for mirror
carpet for under coffee table
Laptop or good desk computer with 19" screen
Mosaics around dining area floor
Lighting throughout the house
Home theater
Patio table/chairs
Dishwasher
Patio deck
Patio garden
Skylight
Living room unit
End tables for living room
indoor plants
Curtains shades for all rooms
Mosaics in dining room arch
Stained glass in Eden's room
Wallpaper design
Better stove top

Vacations:
Local spas/retreats
Vacation overseas - Europe
Glastonbury Festival
Italy
Morocco
France
Sweden

The Big Dark Debts

I thought this was all normal. I thought everyone debted. I thought I could control it all. I thought everyone used charge cards and bought whatever they wanted on credit. I thought my brother was strange for buying what he needed and only going out to dinner once or twice a year. What was up with that? I wasn't going to deprive myself like that. Ever.

So I set out between 1995 - 1998 on a lovely spending spree or, rather, several spending sprees. We furnished our rented apartment on credit. Black leather couches, 33" television (before LCDs), a large microwave, a brand new car and food was paid out in installments when I didn't have the money to pay for it outright.

Then came the big pink slips. Which we ignored. And then the big bad guys came, and they were really big, and repossessed all our furniture. My husband and I had been at work, and only my kids were home. They did leave us our old dining room table and chairs, but nothing else. They even took our washing machine, which was absolutely horrible, because that meant we had to do our laundry in the public laundry places, which was a 20-minute drive from our home. Oh, but they were after our car too and then what were we to do?

My kids, of course, were traumatized by all this, needless to say. I had one kid who even began shoplifting and lifting charity boxes from pizza shops. I was in a terrible depression over losing everything - our things we bought on credit.

Then a co-worker, seeing what a horrible state I was in, told me about the 12 step program - Debtors Anonymous. I had nothing more to lose, and have been doing this 12-step thing on and off.

But I don't like those off moments. I need to stay solvent forever. I can't afford to slip and debt. Because then I'll just sink into the mire even worse. Like alcholics that cannot control their drinking but think they can.

Since November 2008, I've been back on track, not debting one day at a time. It feels so much better not incurring any new unsecured debt that I thought I'd share all the trials/emotions/temptations that I'm going through, in order to stay solvent.