The Big Dark Debts

I thought this was all normal. I thought everyone debted. I thought I could control it all. I thought everyone used charge cards and bought whatever they wanted on credit. I thought my brother was strange for buying what he needed and only going out to dinner once or twice a year. What was up with that? I wasn't going to deprive myself like that. Ever.

So I set out between 1995 - 1998 on a lovely spending spree or, rather, several spending sprees. We furnished our rented apartment on credit. Black leather couches, 33" television (before LCDs), a large microwave, a brand new car and food was paid out in installments when I didn't have the money to pay for it outright.

Then came the big pink slips. Which we ignored. And then the big bad guys came, and they were really big, and repossessed all our furniture. My husband and I had been at work, and only my kids were home. They did leave us our old dining room table and chairs, but nothing else. They even took our washing machine, which was absolutely horrible, because that meant we had to do our laundry in the public laundry places, which was a 20-minute drive from our home. Oh, but they were after our car too and then what were we to do?

My kids, of course, were traumatized by all this, needless to say. I had one kid who even began shoplifting and lifting charity boxes from pizza shops. I was in a terrible depression over losing everything - our things we bought on credit.

Then a co-worker, seeing what a horrible state I was in, told me about the 12 step program - Debtors Anonymous. I had nothing more to lose, and have been doing this 12-step thing on and off.

But I don't like those off moments. I need to stay solvent forever. I can't afford to slip and debt. Because then I'll just sink into the mire even worse. Like alcholics that cannot control their drinking but think they can.

Since November 2008, I've been back on track, not debting one day at a time. It feels so much better not incurring any new unsecured debt that I thought I'd share all the trials/emotions/temptations that I'm going through, in order to stay solvent.